I get it now

I need to know the facts, I need proof and I research things a bit compulsively. My whole life I've taken Christianity as the "one and only true religion" based on faith. One day I picked up a book by Greg Boyd titled "Letters from a Skeptic" and it changed my life. It's a book of letters between Greg Boyd, a Christian, and his atheist father. The book opened my eyes to the deep questions that skeptics have about Christianity, as well as the apologetics ("defense") of the faith. I became fascinated with the "defense" and "proof" of the historical accuracy and philosophical defense of the Christian faith. For several years I have been reading book upon book of apologetics and theology. For the last year or so I have gone a step farther and started chatting with people of different faiths (and no faith) -- and it has rocked my world. It's one thing to read books from Christians defending the faith, but it's an entire other thing to discuss faith with people who are as ingrained in their belief (or lack of belief) as Christians who are ingrained in their belief. To be honest, I had become overly confident in my ability to defend what I believe. I had become quite arrogant that if anyone didn't believe in Jesus, they were intellectually dishonest -- and it wasn't in an arrogant way -- I just honestly couldn't see why people, if they did their "homework", didn't believe in Jesus. Since I have spent time talking with many people of various faith and non-faith backgrounds, I can see why many people can be very confused because there is an overwhelming amount of religions and philosophies to choose from (not including the many different "Christian" sects!). I was spending time on beliefnet.com in Christian debate forums getting my butt handed to me on a platter by Jews, athiests, and Noahic believers who knew what they believed, why they believed what they believed and why the don't believe in Jesus. It was humbling, and pretty much faith rattling for me. I thought I had all the answers!

I've learned that I have a lot to learn about Christianity -- and I've come to realize that we don't have enough years in our life expectancy to learn about all of the different religions out there. And on the other side of the coin I believe that there is more than enough time for being confused about Christianity, or any religion for that matter. There are so many questions I could ask about Christianity, and so many intellectual and philosophical questions that could literally drive me crazy trying to figure them all out. It could consume me very easily. I have been consumed more than I want to on questions about Christianity and why I believe what I believe -- and if I'm believing in something that isn't "proovable" to my satisfaction. I've been very uncomfortable in my faith for about the last year -- a feeling kind of like if you're just leaving for a trip and you know that you're forgetting something very important but you don't know what it is.

I think I figured out what it is.

I was sitting in church this weekend listening to our pastor, Greg Boyd (the same "jerk" that wrote the book "Letters from a Skeptic" that got me questioning everything!) talking about love, and I had a thought something like this: I think the most valuable thing in life is love in relationships -- I don't think anyone would argue with this -- and if I'm to figure out what is true --of -- if I need peace that I'm following the right "spiritual path", I think I can hang my hat on choosing the one that best explains "love".

Is there any better story of love than the gospel? If love is the most amazing thing in our live, wouldn't it make sense that love runs the universe -- doesn't the gospel explain love so perfectly?

I know I could spend the rest of my life questioning everything -- spending a LOT of energy making sure I had all the answers for why this religion is wrong and why my religion is right, but I think that would be a sad way to spend my life. I choose to spend my life aiming for self sacrificial love as displayed perfectly by Jesus.